A DAY IN "THE LIFE OF RILEY"

So I made a deal with myself. “Self?” I say. “You are not going to be mournful and sad this Mother’s Day”. You guys know my drill (and I’ve written about it before): Though I work hard to choose joy and call it forth at any cost in my life, my natural leaning (which requires monitoring, maintenance, and muscle to combat it) can be to go into a victim song about losing my mom at 23 years old and how sad and lonely that leaves me feeling on any given day. Then, believe it or not, I will (and can) go into a dark hole and stay there until I CHOOSE to walk back into the light. Last year was really rough as I found myself on assignment in Chicago (- http://thelifeofriley.squarespace.com/rilys-blog/2007/5/12/sometimes-i-feel-like-a-motherless-child.html) and I couldn’t escape queries from people asking what I was doing for my mother, which begged the reality that she was dead. That, fortunately, has not happened this year. Now, I’m clear, as abundance goes, I could be doing more for the “mothers” in my life. My nephew has a mom. My sister is a step mom. My dad has a wife. My dad’s oldest sister lives in Brooklyn . My mother’s sister Mary Lee is a steady, maternal presence in my life (http://thelifeofriley.squarespace.com/rilys-blog/2006/12/29/auntie-mary-lee.html). But in my mind that can be paralyzed on wanting to be sad, I sometimes find myself helpless to extend love to any other mothers out there (and I do love them all). Already, my dear friend Sharvo (referenced in the blog entry from last year) [http://thelifeofriley.squarespace.com/rilys-blog/2007/5/12/sometimes-i-feel-like-a-motherless-child.html] has sent me a thoughtful and loving text that reads: “Good morning, my darling Patrick! You were on my mind and my heart this morning and I wanted to take the time to send you an embrace of love. I know how heavy your heart can be on this day, but know that a Mother’s love embraces you always in spirit and if you ever need arms to feel, mine are always open. I love you!” So sweet and appreciated. It conjured a sweet memory of my mother that I just recently experienced as Ant and I were watching the latest episode of “Ugly Betty” (www.abc.go.com/primetime/uglybetty/index) on TIVO. In a plot that had little to do with my (or anybody’s real life), “Ugly Betty” producers chose the Ashford & Simpson composition “Didn’t You Know (You’d Have To Cry Sometime)” to close out its recent episode. The version was by Gladys Knight & The Pips (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwivWKsL65c) from 1969. My Diana Ross re-recorded it for her 1971 album “Surrender” (which is being re-mastered and expanded via Hip-o-Select –

www.hip-oselect.com/ - responsible for releasing many of Miss Ross’ early releases, like “Everything is Everything”, her 1970 sophomore project which just came out earlier this season). That said, I used to play the album (HEAR ME: big, round, black disc on a record player! SMILE!) and as I blasted all my Diana at the highest volumes from my childhood room, my mother would sometimes say “Turn that down!” But on one special day (and many that I repeated because I loved the feedback), my mother could hear the melody of “Didn’t You Know (You’d Have to Cry Sometimes)” piping hauntingly throughout the house. She came to the threshold of my door and said “Play that again! Diana is going gospel on that one! I like it!” Other than a few select Diana numbers (“Amazing Grace” from her 1992 “Christmas in Vienna” concert - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldAxy5nLkq8 and “Anywhere You Run To” from her 1982 “Silk Electric” project), mom was not the biggest Diana fan (though she appreciated her talent and her mothering skills). As I was watching “Ugly Betty” and listening to this beautiful song with Gladys Knight’s vocals on them, I was transported:

Remember when you left?
You had your own rules about playing the game
And any day, you could walk away feeling no pain
Now look at yourself
You're all hung up on somebody else
And in your eyes I see all the signs of the misery
That you laid on me
Baby, baby
Didn't you know you'd have to cry sometime?
Didn't you know
Didn't you know you'd have to hurt sometime?
Didn't you know that you'd lose your pride?
Didn't anybody tell you love had another side?
You used to be so proud
Now, your head's a little lower
And you walk slower
And you don't talk so loud
You've gotten wise
You know how love can build you up one moment
And the next, cut you down to size
Then you discover
All she told you was a bunch of lies
Baby, baby
Didn't you know you'd have to cry sometime?
Didn't you know
Didn't you know you'd have to hurt sometime?
Didn't you know that you'd lose your pride?
Didn't anybody tell you love had another side?
Baby, baby
Didn't you know you'd have to cry sometime?
Didn't you know
Didn't you know you'd have to hurt sometime?
Didn't you know you'd have to cry sometime?
Didn't you know you'd have to hurt sometime?
Didn't you know you'd have to hurt sometime?
Didn't you know you'd have to hurt sometime?

I know now I’d have to cry sometime and that it would hurt. And I do… from time to time. But this memory makes me smile! Today, I’m smiling…